the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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