Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
