you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
