i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
