Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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