his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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