whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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