do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
