you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
