yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
