I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
