You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
