Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
