Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
