Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
