either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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