i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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