apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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