when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
