Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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