thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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