just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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