my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
