My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
