i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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