I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
