I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
