Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
