Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
