I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize