Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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