So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
