he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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