She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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