I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You pole danced in your parka.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
