Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
