matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
