I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
