i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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