I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
dude. I can hear the air.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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