Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
