I faked an abortion last night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
