I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
