You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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