im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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