soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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