i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
