at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All the doctor said was why
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
