after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
