I cockslap morals
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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