Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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