So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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