Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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