New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
