You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
