i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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