yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
