I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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