Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
