To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
