Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
