$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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