what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
