Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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