On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
no you cant smoke seaweed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he laminated a picture of his dick.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
