i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
